Grooms – Your Wedding Speech Looms

Groom making a toast on the head table at his wedding

Image: Corbis

A well-dressed man rises before his piers
A piece of paper is read aloud
An imminent verdict is awaited
By the large expectant crowd

His collar becomes much tighter
Beads of sweat now spot his palm
Another man stands beside him
Firmly gripping the first man’s arm

This other man has his orders
He must take the first man down
As much as it pains him to do so
He still paints him the boozy clown

I can guess what you were thinking
And I’m sorry to burst your bubble
He hasn’t broken the law at all
He’s not in that kind of trouble

This groom just gave his wedding speech
[of public speaking] he’s not a fan
The ‘verdict’ comes by applause (or not)
And ‘taking him down’ will be Best Man…

…down a peg or two that is
In front of everyone he knows
Cos as good a friend he’s always been
He’s still gonna put on a show:

By stealing your poise and pricking your pride
There really is no rule
And by the time he’s finished
You’ll be quite the embarrassed fool

After his speech, his legend is sealed
So why wasn’t yours just as funny?
Instead of standing confident
You stood a nervous little bunny

If you don’t wanna end up ‘in the dock’
If you want your speech to shine
If your battered confidence duly needs
More than a glass or two of wine

I’ll help you quash that nervousness
Your audience will be engaged
Your confidence will be booming
Your Best Man left all upstaged

How about something more heartfelt
Maybe a tribute to your bride
After all, it’s she who has your heart
Now swelling with eternal pride

If your speech is already covered
Then I wish you the best of luck
But I’m here to help, if you find
A wedding speech leaves you dumbstruck

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